Contract Marriage Verses Covenant Marriage

Marriage can mean many different things to people.  Some feel marriage is just a contract between two people who love each other until “death do we part.”  This concept leaves one feeling hopeless when their spouse passes, knowing that they will never see them again.  Today a friend passed away from a sudden heart attack leaving behind her sweet husband.  If they had a contractual marriage this would have been the end for this couple but instead they have been blessed with a covenant marriage.  A covenant marriage is a different kind of marriage, one that is eternal in nature and one that lasts forever.  This type of marriage is preformed in Temples of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This type of marriage is one that will last beyond this life as husband and a wife make sacred promises between each other and to God.  A covenant marriage will not leave one feeling hopeless upon the death of a spouse.

In Bruce Hafen’s talk, Covenant Marriage, he speaks on how in contractual marriages couples that tend to struggle can simply walk away when it becomes too difficult because they were only in it for personal benefits.  Hafen notes that couples would often only work at a 50 percent rate on their marriage.  He goes on to say how covenant marriages are different because they are bound together with God.  According to Hafen, couples work through their struggles, each person giving 100 percent to their the marriage.

Struggles do come, so what happens to covenant marriages when these challenges come?  After all, they do put forth a 100 percent in their marriages?  We learn that covenant couples view their marriages as being ordained by God.  They want to make their marriage work so they are willing to work for the eternal happiness. They keep their covenants to each other and to God by building a strong relationship through faith, forgiveness, respect, love and work. They understand their divine roles as individuals and as a family unit.  In a society that is quick to fix their problems through measures like divorce, it is more more fulfilling to know couples who are working together in patience, persistence and endurance in obtaining a happy and eternal marriage.

Children Matter

While many of us have core beliefs and values regarding same-sex marriage vs. traditional marriage, it is important that we come to a common understanding of respecting each other’s views.  Our society is hanging by a thread as we debate this issue along with many others regarding what is best for our society.  I hope that we can all come to understand that children are the source for our future.  We as a society should be looking towards their needs instead of our own. 

Children were discussed very little in the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage.  It was mostly based on what should be granted to adults who love each other.  For me, I would ask, what is best for the children?

In the Supreme Court hearing we hear from Justice Roberts on the history of marriage in our society.  “Marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship.” See G. Quale, A History of Marriage Systems 2 (1988);

Justice Roberts goes on to say, “the premises supporting this concept of marriage are so fundamental that they rarely require articulation. The human race must procreate to survive. Procreation occurs through sexual relations between a man and a woman. When sexual relations result in the conception of a child, that child’s prospects are generally better if the mother and father stay together rather than going their separate ways. Therefore, for the good of children and society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to a lasting bond.“

It is interesting to me that every family studies class I have taken agrees with Justice Roberts’s statement regarding children.  Children need a father and a mother.  Each parent brings different roles to the family establishing an environment that only a father and mother can provide for their children.  As humans, we all want to know who we are and where we come from as it bring us a sense of security.

In the letter from Katy Faust, Dear Justice Kennedy: An Open Letter from the Child of a Loving Gay Parent, she speaks of these truths.  While she loves all of her parents, she truly understands the need of having a father and a mother.  Through her own experience she is advocating for the rights of children.   I stand on her side.  We must think of the repercussions our society will have as we change traditional marriage to same-sex marriage.  It will change our society forever.

Effects of Divorce

“A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman.  It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection”

-Dallin H. Oaks

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are encouraged to marry in the Temple for time and all eternity.  When marrying in the Temple, we make covenants with the Lord that binds us together for time and all eternity.  Knowing that I am eternally connected to my husband and children brings me much peace and comfort.  While mortal life is not easy, we will face challenges as husband and wife.  These challenges can be very difficult as they affect our whole family unit, which may cause us to think of another alternative to staying together.

Divorce is a very sensitive subject as it affects many people in the world today.  Many of us have been victims of divorce or come from a family of divorce.  My thoughts are not to criticize or hurt another but to share the insight and counsel from our church leaders and outside sources from my classroom readings.

Divorce can affect all of us. One recent study found on www.futureofchildren.org by Paul Amato speaks on how divorce affects the children.  It is called, The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation is very formative on how divorce effects the family unit, especially children.  This study closely examines how children differ from living with their biological parents versus households with one biological parent.  The study outcomes clearly show valuable benefits for overall children’s well being with their biological parents.  Amato states, “those who grow up in stable, two-parent families have higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents, and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances.”  If you are contemplating divorce, I would encourage you to read Amato’s study.  He gives great insight on the struggles children will face as their parents divorce.

Within the gospel setting, Elder Dallin H. Oaks speaks of marriage like a human life that is most precious.  He goes on to say, “If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them.  We do not give up.  While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again.  The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him. The Lord will help us and heal us.”  While marriage is not perfect we need to strive together to communicate our thoughts, ideas, and dreams to one another.  We need to nurture our relationships just like we nurture ourselves when we become sick. As we are one in purpose with God we can stay close to each other and work through the difficult challenges that will arise in our marriages.

When I cherish those that I love, my actions will reflect the way that I care for them.

Learning...

I am a college student at BYU-Idaho and I am working towards a degree in Marriage and Family Studies.  Throughout the semester I will be posting insights on issues of marriage and I hope they will be of service to someone out in the blogging world.  Until next time....