Stronger Marriage

The Stronger Marriage website has many great insights from dating, engagement to marriage. There are a variety of articles, tips and classes on how to create a lasting marriage. One short video that caught my attention is called DUI, Decisions Under Influence. It stresses the importance of not letting the chemicals in your body get you locked into a relationship because the high doesn't last forever. Most often the person you become locked in with is not the person you see yourself with in the future and it will become harder to leave this relationship. If your interested, please take a moment to watch.

http://strongermarriage.org/dating/relationship-dui

The RAM Plan

I've been reading the book, How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk for my marriage prep class.  In this book the author, John Van Epp, Ph. D. talks about how we can obtain a healthy relationship by following his RAM model.  This RAM relationship model consists of bonding in depth by how you know, trust, rely on, have a commitment to, and have physical involvement with another person. How well you know a person should be rated the highest as couples self disclose their thought, feelings and emotions to one another.  As you get to know someone, you begin to trust them. As you trust someone you are able to rely on them.  Knowing you can depend on someone brings a deeper sense of trust.  From there you are able to commit yourself to that person and to your relationship.  Once you commit yourself to your relationship, the physical chemistry intensifies and bonds you closer together. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have been taught similar values in regards to build a relationship line upon line, establishing trust and making a commitment of marriages before being intimate.  I find it interesting that John Van Epp is expressing similar concepts.

Getting to know someone is the beginning of a healthy relationship.





Here is a post from one of my classmates that shared the book,
How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk

Benefits of Marriage

I came across an interesting article from Catholic Match Institute that gives a fascinating summary of the benefits spouses and children receive from a lasting marriage. The list of these benefits comes from academic journals and institutes that have done longitudinal studies on the effects of marriage.  I believe these benefits are a great blessing to the family and I would like to share them with you.

Husbands & wives

Married men and women are generally healthier and live longer lives than their single peers.[1]

“The norms of adult maturity and fidelity associated with marriage encourage men and women to avoid unhealthy or risky behaviors—from promiscuous sex to heavy alcohol use.”[2]

“Happily married adults report fewer depressive symptoms than all other marital groups.”[3]; and especially for women, marriage combats depression, provides particularly high psychological benefits and significantly lowers the risk of suicide.[4]

Husband and wife are more economically stable than their unmarried peers. Contemporary married couples with children earn a median annual income of $67,670.00 as compared to single-parent families with a median annual income of $24,408.00.[5]

Typically, the capacity of a married couple’s household exceeds that of a single-parent household by nearly three times the amount in income.[6]

Children

Research suggests that the best source of emotional stability and good physical health for children is the stable, happy marriage of the mother and father.[7]

Children raised in intact married families are more likely to attend college, are physically and emotionally healthier than their peers raised in non-married families.[8]

Children receive gender specific support from having a mother and a father. Research shows that particular roles of mothers (e.g., to nurture) and fathers (e.g., to discipline), as well as complex biologically rooted interactions, are important for the psychological development of boys and girls.[9]

Children from stable, married families are significantly less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug abuse, and thoughts of suicide compared to children from divorced homes.[10]

“The rate of virginity among teenagers at all ages is highly correlated with the presence or absence of married parents.[11]

Here is the link if you are interested in learning more.

https://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2012/03/a-summary-of-the-benefits-of-marriage/

Family Relationships

Creating healthy relationships with in-laws and extended family members can be tricky as each family of origin comes from different backgrounds with roles and rules they follow. The beginning of a marriage may become easier as newlyweds ponder the scripture from the old testament found in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife.” Women can also use this scripture to reflect upon as they leave their mother and father to join together with her husband.   We can further learn from the Oxford dictionary that cleave means to be attached, devoted, faithful or steadfast, meaning a husband and wife should remain attached, devoted, steadfast and faithful to one another.   As couples are committed to putting one another first by being faithful and supportive, this will help them form healthy boundaries with their in-laws and extended family members.  It is important for a newly married couple to find their independence and new identity together. As parents we must adjust.

The author talked about a quote that hangs on a wall, it says “parents give their children two things: roots to grow and, and wings to fly.” As parents we must trust our children, their decisions, and be supportive. I learned this great wisdom from my in-laws.  They were always supportive in our decisions never lecturing us and only giving advice when we called upon. They have been wonderful and I appreciated their efforts as I am now taking on this same role with my daughter and son-in-law.  This has been an adjustment for me as a parent but I can see the benefits of trusting in my daughter and her husband. Staying neutral and positive only leaves them wanting to come home to visit more often.  Looking back on my marriage one of the best decisions my husband and I made was staying in school where we were far away from family. This allowed us time to adjust to one another without interference from family.  We learned to grow together by working out our differences.

Difference will come as family life begins and married couples should set boundaries on how to protect one another from extended family and in-laws. Staying connected as husband and wife while still loving family may be difficult at times but necessary.  Protecting one another is top priority. It takes time and patience to develop relationships but staying positive and setting expectations in the beginning can be a great way to begin a marriage!

Counseling Together

We learn from Elder Ballard the sacredness of Quorum Councils.  He shared great insight on the process of the Proclamation to the World as it came through the direction of quorum councils.  After understanding this process better, this can be a wonderful addition to our marriages as we find guidance in our decisions as a couple. Following the same outline the quorum uses would give us direction on how the council should run as a couple bringing the spirit into the meeting. 

I love the idea of having an agenda prepared at least the night before so couples have time to ponder the issues that need to be discussed.  This invites the spirit into our lives, giving us guidance in our thoughts to be discussed the next evening.  When the meeting takes place, the couple has the opportunity to invite the spirit in by allowing their hearts to be soften as they share their love and appreciation for one another. Couples will have different opinions on issues and this may take time to talk through them.  Being patient may take practice as we allow our spouse to make their point.  By not interrupting them as they express their feelings will allow the meeting to flow with the spirit. As couples continue to work through their topics of discussion, hopefully they will reach an agreeable outcome.  If they don’t come to an agreement, they can stop for the evening and try again the next day.  Sometimes it takes more than one council to solve or make decisions, this has taken place within the Quorum of the Twelve as they have continued their discussions until all are in agreement.  The Lord has said, “every decision made by either of these quorums must be by the unanimous voice of the same; that is, every member in each quorum must be agreed to its decisions, in order to make their decisions of the same power or validity one with another” (D&C 107:27). Being in agreement allows each person’s voice to be heard and the spirit allows those opinions to come together in unity for the family.  This can be a great way to strengthen our marriages and I look forward to doing this in my home.

This is a great resource for learning how to counsel together as a family. 

Sexual Intimacy

After reading a few articles this week on marriage, I have notice there is a common theme to each of them.  Couples struggle to talk about their sexual intimacy, which can become a struggle in their relationship if it goes unchecked. Spencer W. Kimball said, “Divorces often occur over sex…if you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are [many] reason.  Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually.  They may not say that in court…but that is the reason.” If our sexual needs are not being met, we should find a way to discuss them with our spouse even if we are uncomfortable at first. Sex is not a topic that we should be afraid to talk about instead we can find meaning as we trust one another.  It may take awhile to feel comfortable in doing this but over time it will become a blessing in your relationship.

Dr. Gottman said, “So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are … indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk … The problem is that the less clear you are about what you do and don't want, the less likely you are to get it. Sex can be such a fun way to share with each other and deepen your sense of intimacy.”

Intimacy is vital to our relationship and we must learn how to communicate our feeling to one another so we can deepen our intimacy through shared moments together. I really appreciated the advice Sean Brothers received from his mother before his marriage.  When speaking to her about what to expect from the sexual experience she responded, “sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love.”  The last part strikes me the most.  Sometimes we need to put our spouses needs first and just be willing to love them and yes, take one for the team. Not only does this reaffirm to our spouse that they are important to us, it validates our love and affection for them.  In the video Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner-Davis said that research has proven that women become aroused after they have been stimulated. Taking one for team can actually be rewarding for both couples.

Brent Barlow once said, “When we see sexuality as a vital part of marital harmony and happiness, it becomes more than something we simply give or receive. It is something a husband and wife can share. It might be called a sexual guardianship.”  May we watch over, protect and communicate our sexual needs to our spouses so we can enjoy the blessings of sexual intimacy in our marriages that were meant for us to experience.

Charity

Upon completing my readings in Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage has left me reflecting on the overall theme.  I have come to understand that marriage is a divine institution of God and when we use His principles such as charity in our marriages, we can create lasting happy marriages.  What is charity and how can it help us in our lives? The prophet Mormon taught: “Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (Moroni 7:47).  When we seek to become more charitable in our marriages we can find ourselves forgiving more, seeking to over look the negative or annoying habits. There will always be things that may annoy us in our marriages but as we learn to obtain charity by following Christ example we can change. We can change the way we see our spouse and the way we feel about them. 

In the last chapter, I was able to reread a story that has been etched in my mind for a very long time.  It was a story from the Ensign that Brother Goddard shared regarding a wife learning how to change the way she saw her husband so she could find the love that was once there.  I remember reading this story many years ago, yearning to do the same.  I had let the annoyances and criticism affect the way I felt about my husband. My negative thoughts had damaged my relationship.  I decided that I needed to change.  I followed this sister’s counsel and worked really hard.  Little by little I was able to change the way I felt and thought about my husband. I am so grateful for this sister’s story because I have now reaped the rewards of becoming more charitable in my marriage, over looking some of his annoyances and seeing a really amazing man who is my best friend.  Looking for the good in him has become easy, as I have developed more charity in my thoughts and actions, which has allowed me to use Christ influence to love unconditionally.

Marital Conflicts

According to Gottmon, there are two kinds of marital conflicts that can create distance in a marriage.  If couples can identify these conflicts and learn how to cope with them, marriages will thrive instead of survive. The two conflicts are perpetual and solvable problems.

Perpetual problems are the leading category with 69% of martial conflicts that couples face.  Gottmon said that he could interview a couple and learn of their conflicts only to find four years later that they are still facing the same problems. It is important to note that not all couples are dissatisfies in their marriages but are actually in happy marriages. “Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive” (Gottmon 139). Marriages can survive as they find ways to approach their perpetual conflicts. 

Solvable problems are more simple to fix as couples follow Gottman’s counsel to make sure your start ups are soft rather than harsh, learn the effective use of repair attempts, monitor your physiology during tense discussions for warning signs, learn how to compromise, and become more tolerant of each other’s imperfections.

How can one tell the difference between perpetual and solvable conflicts?  It will be different for each couple but a good sign of a solvable problem is how you feel when you are discussing it.  Do they seem less painful, gut wrenching or intense than the gridlock of the perpetual ones?  Once you can pinpoint whether or not your conflict is solvable or perpetual you can learn coping measures to use as you work through your problems.  One of the best ways to work through conflicts is how we approach our repair attempts. Staying calm, apologizing or expressing how “I feel” are small ways we can attempt to repair our conflicts.

Remember that emotions are real and that no one is ever totally right.  We all need to validate one another’s feelings and we can do this as we show our concern by validating our spouse’s personality and perspective.  Acceptance is crucial as it shows respect to your spouse.  As we turn towards one another by expressing our fondness and admiration for our spouse, we will learn how to appreciate who they are and the unique person we have chosen to love.

Beware of Pride

It has been interesting to reflect on pride within our marriages this week.  I gained better insight on how pride can destroy our marriages and relationships if we leave it unchecked.  As I read President Ezra Taft Benson’s Talk on Beware of Pride, I realize there are many ways we can allow pride into our lives, which can destroy those relationships we hold dear. 

Are we ever too prideful that we are not willing to seek for our partners influence?  In Gottman’s book, we can learn how we can benefit from the influences of our spouses.  He teaches us how women are more prone to naturally do this as they practice this from an early age whereas men are learning to gain this insight from the influence of a good woman.  Gottman explains that more men who are emotionally intelligent respect their wives and honors their influence.  This is not about a man losing his power to make decisions but yet a man without pride who is willing to stand beside his wife in unity to create a loving home with respect for one another.  As couples are willing to let go of their pride by communicating with respect, they will allow one another’s influence to benefit their marriage.

Ezra Taft Benson said, “pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves.” We can clearly see this in the example from Goddard’s book called, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage.  He gives an example of the “grapefruit syndrome” when a young married couple sat down to share one another’s annoying habits. The wife begins first, she goes on and on about how her husband eats a grapefruit like an orange. It bothers her immensely. When it came time for her husband to express is annoyances, he looked at his wife and said, “Well, to tell you the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.”  This quickly caught the young wife off guard catching her in the cycle of pride. How often do we see the fault of those we love but don’t recognize our own?

The good news is there is an antidote for pride… it is called humility.  When we seek to be selfless and forgiving we will become a more humble person, seeking ways to serve those we love most.   May we forgive the annoying grapefruit habits and focus on turning towards one another, giving respect and honor to the one we have chosen to love.

Ways To Improve...

In D&C 64:33 it says, "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."  This scripture has powerful meaning when we apply it to marriage.  In Gottman’s book he speaks on Principle 3, which is to turn towards one another.  The idea of turning ourselves to one another in our marriages will build closer connections by bringing mutual trust.  Gottman says that those who fail to do this are likely to lose their way.  How often have we ignored our spouse when they have reached out to us and we are too busy looking at our phones to respond?  How often do we misinterpret our spouse’s plea because we find it wrapped with negativity?  These are just a few ways we can drift apart as husbands and wives.  

How can we change? In Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work gives us great advice on how we can improve. He encourages us to find and strengthen our marital connections through emotional banking, stress-reducing conversations, and coping with our partner’s sadness, fear and anger. When we make deposits into our emotional banking by noticing how our spouse has been turning toward, it will help you to see the good things in your spouse and in your marriage.  Sending out a random text message during the day to one another will help you both feel important and will bring you closer together. One of the most important ways to reduce stress is conversing at the end of each day.  This allows couples to keep in touch emotionally and verbally communicate concerns of the day bringing relief while building stronger bonds.  When we are going through a difficult time of sadness or fear, it is always wonderful to have your spouse stop everything and listen.  Being an understanding and supportive listener is what we really need, not to have our problems fixed but to know that we have a trusted spouse who is there to understand and give support.

When we work on our marriages by turning towards one another, we are laying a foundation for a happy marriage.  It is in the small and simple things of the day-to-day choices we make that will add up to a successful marriage.  I know my husband and I find a greater connection in our marriage as we turn towards one another by spending time together, helping each other with chores, going shopping, and even laughing at silly things.  These small gestures show our affection and appreciation for one another drawing us closer together.  As we continue to make emotional deposits in our marriage, overtime we will have an increase of love and admiration for one another.

Fondness and Admiration

I am finding how Gottman’s philosophy on marriage is very similar to some of the teachings in the gospel.  John Gottman explains how critical fondness and admiration are in a rewarding and long-lasting marriage.  Throughout the years of marriage our spouses can annoy us with their personality flaws but when couples honor and respect each other it keeps their marriage together and safe from betrayal. 

Gottman expresses when couples can reflect on their marriage history in a positive light, it is a good indicator of their fondness and admiration for one another.  Gottman’s statics show that “94 percent of the time, couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history and their partner’s character are likely to have a happy future.” It is important for couples to express love and gratitude for their spouse’s positive behavior as it strengthens their marriage by looking for the good in one another. 

Likewise, we receive counsel from our church leaders of the importance in nurturing our relationships as husbands and wives.  We receive insight form our prophet President Monson when he said, “too many of us tend “to criticize, to complain, to blame, … and adopt the negatives of life.” But, “we can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude” It begins within ourselves as we choose to adapt a positive attitude by looking for the good in our loved ones. 

Elder Joe Christensen said we should avoid “pinpricking” our spouses to death by recognizing that we are all imperfect.  Recognizing that we are all imperfect will set the stage to find fondness and admiration in each other leaving us happier in our marriages and enjoying lasting memories. I have seen how pinpricking affects marriages and while some many say its not a big deal it is as it decreases a person's self esteem.  Finding ways to seek out the good in one another will create more feelings of gratitude drawing one another closer together.

You might ask how we can cultivate fondness and admiration in our marriages?  In Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” explains different activities couples can do together to nurture these principles.  A few include expressing appreciation for simple behaviors or acts of kindness your partner shows, recalling the fondness you each had for one another in the beginning of your courtship, list qualities you admire in your spouse and write them a letter of appreciation or express them verbally. Making each other a priority in finding ways to express and show your love will create warm feelings of fondness and admiration.

A Happy Marriage

John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has caught my attention through his years of studying and researching in understanding what makes marriages work.  He explains the underlying foundation of good marriage begins with friendship.

Gottman further explains that friendship means couples have a have deep mutual respect for one another and enjoy being together.  They know each other intimately as they understand “each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams” (p 21). They are in attunement with one another.  Being in attunement with one another means that couples have mutual understanding for one another on an emotional level.  This means they are aware of their spouse’s needs and think of ways to meet those needs. They protect, nurture and care for one another in their relationship.  As couples self-disclose their intimate feelings, they draw closer together by creating lasting bonds.

This marital friendship can spark the romance even more; binding couples together in a way that brings emotional security, while honesty and trust brings peace to their relationship.  Gottman explains how this type of relationship in a marriage portrays all seven principles in a marriage whether a couple realizes it or not.

In Gottman’s study, he found that a happy couple carries a secret weapon.  This secret weapon is the ability to repair.  This repair attempt is the ability to defuse a heated conversation that would ultimately lead down an ugly road of negativity.  While each couple handles disagreements and arguments differently, this type of repair allows couples to react in a situation where humor or the words “I’m sorry” can defuse the negativity from escalating.

We have the ability to create our own powerful story as we decide who we are at the core of our being.  In the book, Drawing Heaven Into your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD said that a marriage is not about a set of skills we have obtained but the “thoughts, feelings, and actions that are the measure of [our] character” are the key factors in a creating a lasting relationship between each other and with God (p 26).

Contract Marriage Verses Covenant Marriage

Marriage can mean many different things to people.  Some feel marriage is just a contract between two people who love each other until “death do we part.”  This concept leaves one feeling hopeless when their spouse passes, knowing that they will never see them again.  Today a friend passed away from a sudden heart attack leaving behind her sweet husband.  If they had a contractual marriage this would have been the end for this couple but instead they have been blessed with a covenant marriage.  A covenant marriage is a different kind of marriage, one that is eternal in nature and one that lasts forever.  This type of marriage is preformed in Temples of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This type of marriage is one that will last beyond this life as husband and a wife make sacred promises between each other and to God.  A covenant marriage will not leave one feeling hopeless upon the death of a spouse.

In Bruce Hafen’s talk, Covenant Marriage, he speaks on how in contractual marriages couples that tend to struggle can simply walk away when it becomes too difficult because they were only in it for personal benefits.  Hafen notes that couples would often only work at a 50 percent rate on their marriage.  He goes on to say how covenant marriages are different because they are bound together with God.  According to Hafen, couples work through their struggles, each person giving 100 percent to their the marriage.

Struggles do come, so what happens to covenant marriages when these challenges come?  After all, they do put forth a 100 percent in their marriages?  We learn that covenant couples view their marriages as being ordained by God.  They want to make their marriage work so they are willing to work for the eternal happiness. They keep their covenants to each other and to God by building a strong relationship through faith, forgiveness, respect, love and work. They understand their divine roles as individuals and as a family unit.  In a society that is quick to fix their problems through measures like divorce, it is more more fulfilling to know couples who are working together in patience, persistence and endurance in obtaining a happy and eternal marriage.

Children Matter

While many of us have core beliefs and values regarding same-sex marriage vs. traditional marriage, it is important that we come to a common understanding of respecting each other’s views.  Our society is hanging by a thread as we debate this issue along with many others regarding what is best for our society.  I hope that we can all come to understand that children are the source for our future.  We as a society should be looking towards their needs instead of our own. 

Children were discussed very little in the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage.  It was mostly based on what should be granted to adults who love each other.  For me, I would ask, what is best for the children?

In the Supreme Court hearing we hear from Justice Roberts on the history of marriage in our society.  “Marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship.” See G. Quale, A History of Marriage Systems 2 (1988);

Justice Roberts goes on to say, “the premises supporting this concept of marriage are so fundamental that they rarely require articulation. The human race must procreate to survive. Procreation occurs through sexual relations between a man and a woman. When sexual relations result in the conception of a child, that child’s prospects are generally better if the mother and father stay together rather than going their separate ways. Therefore, for the good of children and society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to a lasting bond.“

It is interesting to me that every family studies class I have taken agrees with Justice Roberts’s statement regarding children.  Children need a father and a mother.  Each parent brings different roles to the family establishing an environment that only a father and mother can provide for their children.  As humans, we all want to know who we are and where we come from as it bring us a sense of security.

In the letter from Katy Faust, Dear Justice Kennedy: An Open Letter from the Child of a Loving Gay Parent, she speaks of these truths.  While she loves all of her parents, she truly understands the need of having a father and a mother.  Through her own experience she is advocating for the rights of children.   I stand on her side.  We must think of the repercussions our society will have as we change traditional marriage to same-sex marriage.  It will change our society forever.

Effects of Divorce

“A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman.  It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection”

-Dallin H. Oaks

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are encouraged to marry in the Temple for time and all eternity.  When marrying in the Temple, we make covenants with the Lord that binds us together for time and all eternity.  Knowing that I am eternally connected to my husband and children brings me much peace and comfort.  While mortal life is not easy, we will face challenges as husband and wife.  These challenges can be very difficult as they affect our whole family unit, which may cause us to think of another alternative to staying together.

Divorce is a very sensitive subject as it affects many people in the world today.  Many of us have been victims of divorce or come from a family of divorce.  My thoughts are not to criticize or hurt another but to share the insight and counsel from our church leaders and outside sources from my classroom readings.

Divorce can affect all of us. One recent study found on www.futureofchildren.org by Paul Amato speaks on how divorce affects the children.  It is called, The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation is very formative on how divorce effects the family unit, especially children.  This study closely examines how children differ from living with their biological parents versus households with one biological parent.  The study outcomes clearly show valuable benefits for overall children’s well being with their biological parents.  Amato states, “those who grow up in stable, two-parent families have higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents, and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances.”  If you are contemplating divorce, I would encourage you to read Amato’s study.  He gives great insight on the struggles children will face as their parents divorce.

Within the gospel setting, Elder Dallin H. Oaks speaks of marriage like a human life that is most precious.  He goes on to say, “If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them.  We do not give up.  While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again.  The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him. The Lord will help us and heal us.”  While marriage is not perfect we need to strive together to communicate our thoughts, ideas, and dreams to one another.  We need to nurture our relationships just like we nurture ourselves when we become sick. As we are one in purpose with God we can stay close to each other and work through the difficult challenges that will arise in our marriages.

When I cherish those that I love, my actions will reflect the way that I care for them.