Fondness and Admiration

I am finding how Gottman’s philosophy on marriage is very similar to some of the teachings in the gospel.  John Gottman explains how critical fondness and admiration are in a rewarding and long-lasting marriage.  Throughout the years of marriage our spouses can annoy us with their personality flaws but when couples honor and respect each other it keeps their marriage together and safe from betrayal. 

Gottman expresses when couples can reflect on their marriage history in a positive light, it is a good indicator of their fondness and admiration for one another.  Gottman’s statics show that “94 percent of the time, couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history and their partner’s character are likely to have a happy future.” It is important for couples to express love and gratitude for their spouse’s positive behavior as it strengthens their marriage by looking for the good in one another. 

Likewise, we receive counsel from our church leaders of the importance in nurturing our relationships as husbands and wives.  We receive insight form our prophet President Monson when he said, “too many of us tend “to criticize, to complain, to blame, … and adopt the negatives of life.” But, “we can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude” It begins within ourselves as we choose to adapt a positive attitude by looking for the good in our loved ones. 

Elder Joe Christensen said we should avoid “pinpricking” our spouses to death by recognizing that we are all imperfect.  Recognizing that we are all imperfect will set the stage to find fondness and admiration in each other leaving us happier in our marriages and enjoying lasting memories. I have seen how pinpricking affects marriages and while some many say its not a big deal it is as it decreases a person's self esteem.  Finding ways to seek out the good in one another will create more feelings of gratitude drawing one another closer together.

You might ask how we can cultivate fondness and admiration in our marriages?  In Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” explains different activities couples can do together to nurture these principles.  A few include expressing appreciation for simple behaviors or acts of kindness your partner shows, recalling the fondness you each had for one another in the beginning of your courtship, list qualities you admire in your spouse and write them a letter of appreciation or express them verbally. Making each other a priority in finding ways to express and show your love will create warm feelings of fondness and admiration.