In D&C 64:33 it says, "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." This scripture has powerful meaning when we apply it to marriage. In Gottman’s book he speaks on Principle 3, which is to turn towards one another. The idea of turning ourselves to one another in our marriages will build closer connections by bringing mutual trust. Gottman says that those who fail to do this are likely to lose their way. How often have we ignored our spouse when they have reached out to us and we are too busy looking at our phones to respond? How often do we misinterpret our spouse’s plea because we find it wrapped with negativity? These are just a few ways we can drift apart as husbands and wives.
How can we change? In Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work gives us great advice on how we can improve. He encourages us to find and strengthen our marital connections through emotional banking, stress-reducing conversations, and coping with our partner’s sadness, fear and anger. When we make deposits into our emotional banking by noticing how our spouse has been turning toward, it will help you to see the good things in your spouse and in your marriage. Sending out a random text message during the day to one another will help you both feel important and will bring you closer together. One of the most important ways to reduce stress is conversing at the end of each day. This allows couples to keep in touch emotionally and verbally communicate concerns of the day bringing relief while building stronger bonds. When we are going through a difficult time of sadness or fear, it is always wonderful to have your spouse stop everything and listen. Being an understanding and supportive listener is what we really need, not to have our problems fixed but to know that we have a trusted spouse who is there to understand and give support.
When we work on our marriages by turning towards one another, we are laying a foundation for a happy marriage. It is in the small and simple things of the day-to-day choices we make that will add up to a successful marriage. I know my husband and I find a greater connection in our marriage as we turn towards one another by spending time together, helping each other with chores, going shopping, and even laughing at silly things. These small gestures show our affection and appreciation for one another drawing us closer together. As we continue to make emotional deposits in our marriage, overtime we will have an increase of love and admiration for one another.
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