Sexual Intimacy

After reading a few articles this week on marriage, I have notice there is a common theme to each of them.  Couples struggle to talk about their sexual intimacy, which can become a struggle in their relationship if it goes unchecked. Spencer W. Kimball said, “Divorces often occur over sex…if you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are [many] reason.  Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually.  They may not say that in court…but that is the reason.” If our sexual needs are not being met, we should find a way to discuss them with our spouse even if we are uncomfortable at first. Sex is not a topic that we should be afraid to talk about instead we can find meaning as we trust one another.  It may take awhile to feel comfortable in doing this but over time it will become a blessing in your relationship.

Dr. Gottman said, “So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are … indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk … The problem is that the less clear you are about what you do and don't want, the less likely you are to get it. Sex can be such a fun way to share with each other and deepen your sense of intimacy.”

Intimacy is vital to our relationship and we must learn how to communicate our feeling to one another so we can deepen our intimacy through shared moments together. I really appreciated the advice Sean Brothers received from his mother before his marriage.  When speaking to her about what to expect from the sexual experience she responded, “sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love.”  The last part strikes me the most.  Sometimes we need to put our spouses needs first and just be willing to love them and yes, take one for the team. Not only does this reaffirm to our spouse that they are important to us, it validates our love and affection for them.  In the video Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner-Davis said that research has proven that women become aroused after they have been stimulated. Taking one for team can actually be rewarding for both couples.

Brent Barlow once said, “When we see sexuality as a vital part of marital harmony and happiness, it becomes more than something we simply give or receive. It is something a husband and wife can share. It might be called a sexual guardianship.”  May we watch over, protect and communicate our sexual needs to our spouses so we can enjoy the blessings of sexual intimacy in our marriages that were meant for us to experience.